My suggestion that seeing He’s Just Not That Into You is more emasculating than seeing the Sex and The City movie sparked a couple of comments to the contrary, and a brief gchat discussion between something for it, that changes the game).
Last night I got a “you’ll love this” email from a friend of mine with the link to the HJNTIY Date Decoder, an intertubes abomination. The premise is this: Pick one of the “your date said this” options, and match it up with one of the “your date meant this” options, and then check to see if you’re right. As someone who would prefer to tell you that he doesn’t think there will be a next date than to tell you he’ll call you and not mean it, believe me when I say that this shit is ridiculous. But you know what? I’ll humor them. You only get 5 cracks at this thing.
The first “date said” option I chose was “let’s do your place.” I scrolled through the list of interpretations and selected “I don’t want my friends to see you,” the correct interpretation according to the Decoder. Really? Look, you can’t fuck in front of your friends at dinner or happy hour. “Let’s do your place” is akin to saying “let’s go back to my place” at the end of the night, only you’re saying it at the beginning.
I-66 guesses: 1/1
Decoder interpretations: 0/1
Round 2: I chose “you’re an awesome dancer” and “you must be awesome in bed!” as my said/meant combo. Correct, according to the Decoder. First of all, I don’t know any guy who has ever said “you’re an awesome dancer” to a girl, whether on the dance floor at Rumors, the stage at Camelot, or in the champagne room. Second of all, isn’t the good dancer = good in bed correlation supposed to be for guys?
I-66: 2/2
Decoder: 0/2
Round 3: I went with “I’m really busy with work” and “I’m married with 3 kids.” This time I missed the mark, as the proper interpretation is “I have a better offer.” This is where I get irritated because the suggestion is that no guy is ever really that busy or, more pointedly, you should be his number one priority, and if he can’t or won’t see you, you’re not. This makes me want to scoop my eyes out with a melon baller.
I-66: 2/3
Decoder: 0/3
Round 4: Determined to figure out what I could say that means “I’m married with 3 kids,” I went with “I will be out of town for a while.” Correct, indicates the Decoder. I’m sorry, evidently I’m not allowed to go on vacation or travel elsewhere on business.
I-66: 3/4
Decoder: 0/4
Round 5, final round: “Please don’t ever call me again” and “should I get a restraining order?” Correct, and the Decoder actually has this one right. Of course I’m giving it a little bit of leeway because it’s been so far off base thus far, but if I have to ask/tell a girl not to call me again, things must’ve gotten pretty bad.
I-66: 4/5
Decoder 1/5
In the end, it seems I’m at least above average when it comes to guessing what my words are supposed to mean according to the book and the movie. SATC may be as girly as girly gets, but anything that essentially renders anything I say to be useless is far more emasculating, especially when you consider that it assumes that I’m almost always lying, and that every girl should be a guy’s number one priority. Sorry, HJNTIY, there’s only one thing that could get me into the theater to see you, and now I’m starting to wonder whether I should be asking for more.
Filed under: stuff I hate
That movie makes us girls into horrendous, flighty, stupid, gullible creatures. I am appalled and ashamed that this not only got made, but that there are women who will actually go see it.
Thanks for letting me vent. I needed that.
In case I ever forget why I like you, I’ll come back and read this.
the trailer for that movie is muting. as in, i’m talking to someone, we see it come on, we stop abruptly, blink slowly, and just wonder, quietly, who’s responsible
I nearly did a spit take when I initially saw the poster in the theater. And then I said “Drew Barrymore was an automatic for this one.”
SATC and HJNTIY feed off each other. That cringe-worthy phrase (I actually can’t watch that episode of SATC b/c I don’t want to hear Ron Livingston or Cynthia Nixon say it ever. again.), came from SATC. This movie is a desperate attempt to capitalize on some the SATC cash cow, except in a more desperate and annoying way. And shit like the “Dating Decoder” just perpetuates that we should all question even more other people’s intentions.
And somehow they got a recognizable cast to star in it. That’s the part that baffles me. Then again, the demographic for which they’re aiming is going to come through in a big way at the box office.
Is this your way of saying you want to join my roommates and me on opening night?
Depends. How do you feel about “unless“?
I have to admit that I see both sides of the coin on this one. There really are women out there who are dumb enough to put up with lines and “game” from men who are unwilling or unable to be up front with them. The book HJNTIY was basically common sense advice to women who chase men who are just using them, or are in fact not interested (I know because I skimmed it in Borders when it came out and then promptly put it back). The problem that many of us women have is that in relationships, we’re typically thinking of the future…now don’t get me wrong, most of us don’t meet a man and immediately start mentally planning our wedding…but we can get pretty hopeful for our future pretty quickly (even if it’s just a little part in the back of your mind thinking…he could be the one…I hope he doesn’t screw this up). Sometimes women let this blind them to reality…they are so busy hoping for the future and trying to make things work that they aren’t really listening to what the man is saying or what his behavior is saying. I don’t know if the book or the movie accounts for the honest, real, nice guy who will be straightforward and not lead you on etc. however I am guessing it must because the book was primarily authored by a man (who now has or had at one time a talk show). I am not likely to see HJNTIY, however I think it’s just an exaggerated version of reality (like many movies are). Yes there are men who lead women on, yes there are women who are too caught up in their own thoughts and feelings and they project their hopes and emotions onto the men they date without really considering how the man actually feels, or what he actually wants. I think it’s just a matter of not being a one-size-fits-all solution. If you let men disrespect you, or you continue hoping that your boyfriend will propose when you’ve been dating 5 years and when you bring up the “future” he tells you he needs space, or even flat out he doesn’t want to get married – then this is a must see for you. If you have some sense of self-awareness and understand that even if you happen to spend some time with one guy who jerks you around that not all men are the same, and that men who are truly interested in you will show it, or will tell you, then you can skip it. I’m with you though…this is totally a movie for girls…and why would you even want to take a man to see it?
I believe you’ve set the record for longest comment in this blog’s history, dating back to its blogspot days. Congratulations.
I guess my biggest problem isn’t the book/movie itself necessarily, it’s that there actually is a willing target audience. You’re right, it isn’t for everybody, but damned if it doesn’t make me — I don’t even know what the adjective is — that there are women who will be lining up in droves to see this thing.
Decoders? Great. Now I want some Fruit Loops.
You take the Fruit Loops. I’ll look for The Schwartz in a Cracker Jack box.
I imagine this decoder thing would cause me to give the same reaction that Ralphy gives in A Christmas Story where he decodes Orphan Annie’s secret message.
Ummm sorry for being so wordy and I’m not sure it deserves congratulations. I actually realized that it was entirely too long when writing it, but I couldn’t be bothered to stop.
I agree with you. Honestly I have a couple friends who are clueless when it comes to men – but they actually don’t realize that they’re clueless and are unlikely to go see this. Honestly I’m kinda doubting any of my friends would see this. The only person I can imagine seeing it would be my mom, and she just has horrible taste in movies.